I'm not sure I really did that much that was actually helpful, but... yeah, me too.
[ he's still exhausted regardless. it's been a very long eight weeks.
he goes quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands.
... ]
The, um... what I mentioned in that letter that week... I... had to kill this kid. To save Bradley and Jason. He... he was really sweet, and... he agreed to let me do it for them. A-and I know what would have happened to him if I hadn't, and it would have been worse, but it just... I was really messed up about it. I didn't feel like I deserved to be a prosecutor after that.
Y-yeah, I did. Lup and Estelle... I told them about it that night after I got back. And Rin the next day. I just kind of felt like I needed to... confess my sins or whatever, I guess... and to explain why I was such a mess when I hardly had any injuries.
It was— I know it was the best thing to do in that situation. I don't even know if that world or anyone in it was actually real, but if it was... then doing that saved a lot more people than just them, even. But I still kind of just... hate knowing I was able to do it at all. You know?
...Trust me, I know. Even if it might have helped someone in the end, it doesn't erase the feeling of killing someone else. It never will.
[ this is unusually soemn, for kazunari. ]
The only thing you can do is remember that you did it to help someone, not out of cruelty, and try to find something to keep you going. Which you must have, right? It's not like you to give up.
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no subject
[ he's still exhausted regardless. it's been a very long eight weeks.
he goes quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands.
... ]
The, um... what I mentioned in that letter that week... I... had to kill this kid. To save Bradley and Jason. He... he was really sweet, and... he agreed to let me do it for them. A-and I know what would have happened to him if I hadn't, and it would have been worse, but it just... I was really messed up about it. I didn't feel like I deserved to be a prosecutor after that.
no subject
[ these places really are cruel, aren't they? ]
I'm sorry, Bestie. You should never have had to go through that, even if it did help those two. Making someone do that... it's not right.
Have you talked to anyone about it? That kind of thing... it's not easy to deal with on your own.
no subject
Y-yeah, I did. Lup and Estelle... I told them about it that night after I got back. And Rin the next day. I just kind of felt like I needed to... confess my sins or whatever, I guess... and to explain why I was such a mess when I hardly had any injuries.
It was— I know it was the best thing to do in that situation. I don't even know if that world or anyone in it was actually real, but if it was... then doing that saved a lot more people than just them, even. But I still kind of just... hate knowing I was able to do it at all. You know?
no subject
[ this is unusually soemn, for kazunari. ]
The only thing you can do is remember that you did it to help someone, not out of cruelty, and try to find something to keep you going. Which you must have, right? It's not like you to give up.