[ well, that was terrible! sebastian doesn't really love being in his room right now and looking at what's technically royce's bed even if he's never spent much time in here... but he doesn't really want to go anywhere else either, so. he's here, and easy to find. ]
[ he sits up straighter on the edge of his bed when she enters, and just... sits there for a few seconds while he tries to work out the right answer to that. ]
W-well... the doctor took care of the cut for me, so...
[ he feels a lump in his throat at that, thinks back to that stupid try harder scolding him in his own writing, and to how few times it's been acknowledged that he is trying.
he sniffs and wipes his nose on the back of his gloved hand... which is gross, but whatever, that glove's already stained anyway. ]
...Yeah. I was.
[ deductions sure could have used some work, but. ]
[ His deductions do need work, but no one is perfect and he can learn. She has faith. What is good is that he was trying. What would have been worse is if he became bullheaded about his mistakes.
She walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. ]
As long as you keep trying, that's what matters. What do you want to do here, Sebastian?
When I accepted the invitation... what I wanted was a way to quickly improve my skills as a prosecutor. So I'd be ready for my first real trial when I went home.
[ and... well, he can't say he didn't get plenty of courtroom experience today, even if none of it followed any of the standard procedures. so this all feels a little bit like he made a wish on a monkey's paw. ]
Isn't that something you can do by learning with experience at home? If you haven't had your first trial yet, there's room for you to improve right away.
I wouldn't take today into account because I don't think it's anything like your law system.
[ she doesn't want to make assumptions because it's not like all law systems are same across worlds, but the way he acted during trial pointed towards that. ]
I know, but I— I wanted to make sure I was good enough before that. Because Mr. Edgeworth and his assistant and even that detective... they're always disproving everything I say and making fun of me. And my pops is going to be watching, so I can't make any mistakes, or I'm going to look like an idiot and disappoint him.
[ are you telling me even gumshoe can one up sebastian? help ]
If they're making fun of you, that isn't right. If you're doing something that isn't approved of, maybe you should take a second to think about what and why.
[ her words are gentle. ]
I think you're trying to go too fast too soon, and if you take one moment to breathe, you'll be able to do things that'll make yourself and your father proud.
[ except ace attorney prosecutor fathers are usually shitty, but jeanne doesn't know that. ]
Y-yeah. I just... I feel like I already did. I went to the best legal school, and I graduated at the top of my class, and I won every mock trial and debate competition, so... I don't know why I'm not better when I'm supposed to be the best.
It's like things that felt easy before... aren't anymore. And now people keep acting like they expect me to fail, when everyone used to say everything I did was perfect.
...Pops was the chief prosecutor when I was growing up, and he was amazing.
[ his hand goes to the badge on his lapel. ]
So I thought if I followed in his footsteps and became the best just like he was, then... we'd have something in common, and I'd be someone he was proud to have as a son. [ ... ] Instead of just some idiot who messes everything up all the time.
[ yeah... he guesses that's how it's supposed to be, isn't it? in all the cartoons he used to watch, the parents still loved their kids at the end when the credits ran, no matter what hijinks they'd gotten themselves into during that week's episode.
if his parents couldn't feel that same way about him — he'd been sure mom had loved him, but then she'd disappeared without a word and left him behind; and backhanded compliments about how he's such a good boy even if he's an idiot are the best he can ever hope to get from pops — doesn't that just mean that he's the problem?
the tears he'd been doing his best to hold back spill over; he wipes them away quickly on his sleeve, then keeps his arm covering his eyes for a few more seconds until he gets it together. ]
[ he absolutely will. he's a little awkward about it because it's been a long time since anyone did this, but once he gets how this works when he's the taller person, he hugs her back pretty tightly. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 1, saturday post-trial
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Sebastian, may I come in?
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Uh, y-yeah. It's open. I think.
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How are you doing?
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W-well... the doctor took care of the cut for me, so...
[ his cheek is indeed nicely bandaged! ]
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[ he really was going through it during trial. ]
You were trying your best.
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he sniffs and wipes his nose on the back of his gloved hand... which is gross, but whatever, that glove's already stained anyway. ]
...Yeah. I was.
[ deductions sure could have used some work, but. ]
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She walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. ]
As long as you keep trying, that's what matters. What do you want to do here, Sebastian?
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[ he goes quiet, biting his lip. ]
When I accepted the invitation... what I wanted was a way to quickly improve my skills as a prosecutor. So I'd be ready for my first real trial when I went home.
[ and... well, he can't say he didn't get plenty of courtroom experience today, even if none of it followed any of the standard procedures. so this all feels a little bit like he made a wish on a monkey's paw. ]
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Isn't that something you can do by learning with experience at home? If you haven't had your first trial yet, there's room for you to improve right away.
I wouldn't take today into account because I don't think it's anything like your law system.
[ she doesn't want to make assumptions because it's not like all law systems are same across worlds, but the way he acted during trial pointed towards that. ]
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If they're making fun of you, that isn't right. If you're doing something that isn't approved of, maybe you should take a second to think about what and why.
[ her words are gentle. ]
I think you're trying to go too fast too soon, and if you take one moment to breathe, you'll be able to do things that'll make yourself and your father proud.
[ except ace attorney prosecutor fathers are usually shitty, but jeanne doesn't know that. ]
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I guess... maybe I can jump to conclusions too fast sometimes...
But if I think about things for too long, then someone else is going to beat me to the answer, and then I'm stupid for being so slow!
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It's better to take a while and to make a fair judgment that's right and that you feel is right than to rush into one that you aren't sure of.
If you are wrong when you jump too fast, doesn't that harm more than just you?
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But they seem right at the time... and my pops is always fast and right, so I should be able to do that too!
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You can become fast and right, if you put in the proper work.
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It's like things that felt easy before... aren't anymore. And now people keep acting like they expect me to fail, when everyone used to say everything I did was perfect.
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Why did you choose to be a prosecutor, Sebastian?
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[ his hand goes to the badge on his lapel. ]
So I thought if I followed in his footsteps and became the best just like he was, then... we'd have something in common, and I'd be someone he was proud to have as a son. [ ... ] Instead of just some idiot who messes everything up all the time.
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[ But she knows it's not always that easy. Some parents leave a lot of room to be desired. ]
You'll get there, if it's at pace that suits you.
closes eyes... emotional abuse cw ig
if his parents couldn't feel that same way about him — he'd been sure mom had loved him, but then she'd disappeared without a word and left him behind; and backhanded compliments about how he's such a good boy even if he's an idiot are the best he can ever hope to get from pops — doesn't that just mean that he's the problem?
the tears he'd been doing his best to hold back spill over; he wipes them away quickly on his sleeve, then keeps his arm covering his eyes for a few more seconds until he gets it together. ]
I... I guess...
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Will he accept a hug? Because if he won't shy away, Jeanne will try to give him a hug. ]
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...Thanks.