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I just... If there were going to be two others, I wish you'd covered it up better so we could have caught one of them instead!
[ one of the ones with more personal culpa... culpability...? is that the word? he's not sure. but he could have justified it to himself as a prosecutor that way. ]
[ one of the ones with more personal culpa... culpability...? is that the word? he's not sure. but he could have justified it to himself as a prosecutor that way. ]
[ he shakes his head. ]
It's not your fault. That's why it sucks so much!
[ like, it's great that he wasn't betrayed and intentionally lied to, but maybe this would be easier to deal with if he could be mad about it. ]
I know I— I don't even know you that well, but— you're still my best friend. A-and it's gonna be really hard without you.
It's not your fault. That's why it sucks so much!
[ like, it's great that he wasn't betrayed and intentionally lied to, but maybe this would be easier to deal with if he could be mad about it. ]
I know I— I don't even know you that well, but— you're still my best friend. A-and it's gonna be really hard without you.
Bestie...
[ kazunari really means that much to him? he knew sebastian cared about him, but not... ]
...I'm sorry. I... I don't want to leave you, either, you know.
[ it feels like his heart is breaking, but kazunari can't leave him like this. ]
But... hey. In the prism, everyone made it back okay eventually. The same could still happen here. So it doesn't have to be goodbye forever, just - see you later.
[ is that true? no idea. but he wants to believe that it is, so he'll try to pass that onto sebastian, too. ]
[ kazunari really means that much to him? he knew sebastian cared about him, but not... ]
...I'm sorry. I... I don't want to leave you, either, you know.
[ it feels like his heart is breaking, but kazunari can't leave him like this. ]
But... hey. In the prism, everyone made it back okay eventually. The same could still happen here. So it doesn't have to be goodbye forever, just - see you later.
[ is that true? no idea. but he wants to believe that it is, so he'll try to pass that onto sebastian, too. ]
[ that part from kazunari's memory about how he never had friends before middle school was a little bit like the reverse of his own experience — he'd had normal shallow kid friendships when he was little, but had pretty much alienated everyone by the time he was a teenager with his obsession with being better than them.
it wasn't until the study that he'd had anyone he could even maybe consider an actual friend, and it wasn't until this that anyone actually said they were. that crappy paint set was probably the first non-birthday gift he ever gave anyone besides his parents. ]
Y-yeah... it sounded like all of them were like that before. So...
[ he wipes his eyes and sniffs, lifts his head and takes a deep breath. ]
Me and Estelle and Rin and everyone— we're all gonna do our best to bring all of you back, no matter what.
it wasn't until the study that he'd had anyone he could even maybe consider an actual friend, and it wasn't until this that anyone actually said they were. that crappy paint set was probably the first non-birthday gift he ever gave anyone besides his parents. ]
Y-yeah... it sounded like all of them were like that before. So...
[ he wipes his eyes and sniffs, lifts his head and takes a deep breath. ]
Me and Estelle and Rin and everyone— we're all gonna do our best to bring all of you back, no matter what.
[ it's good to see that sebastian has something to work towards. he needs that, kazunari thinks - not just to help everyone else, but for himself, too.
so kazu gives him a warm smile. ]
Then I'll be waiting. And if there's any way to write you guys before then, I'll find it.
I know you'll do your best.
so kazu gives him a warm smile. ]
Then I'll be waiting. And if there's any way to write you guys before then, I'll find it.
I know you'll do your best.
[ nods and bites his lip... ]
Um, before I go, can you... tell me everything you remember about the shadow and everything? H-how everything worked? I want to figure things out, but... I never have enough information, and I keep misunderstanding things...
Um, before I go, can you... tell me everything you remember about the shadow and everything? H-how everything worked? I want to figure things out, but... I never have enough information, and I keep misunderstanding things...
...You know you can stay as long as you want, right? RinRin said he'd be back later, too.
[ like one last sleepover. ]
But yeah, I'll tell you as much as I can.
It started early in the week. It was just... a shadow, that said it would help save Kumopi - my hostage. I'd heard about Clem, so I said no, but it took control of me, anyway. [ he hesitates before adding, ] It made me think... that Kumopi was the only one who really mattered, and that I had to save him at all costs. It was... a little like refracting, in that way.
But I couldn't confess during trial. I couldn't even help anyone figure it out, or he might've been in danger again.
[ like one last sleepover. ]
But yeah, I'll tell you as much as I can.
It started early in the week. It was just... a shadow, that said it would help save Kumopi - my hostage. I'd heard about Clem, so I said no, but it took control of me, anyway. [ he hesitates before adding, ] It made me think... that Kumopi was the only one who really mattered, and that I had to save him at all costs. It was... a little like refracting, in that way.
But I couldn't confess during trial. I couldn't even help anyone figure it out, or he might've been in danger again.
Edited 2022-07-03 14:51 (UTC)
Really? I didn't want to— you know, if you were gonna have other visitors...
[ but yes, he totally wants this last sleepover if they want him here. ]
Yeah... I'd talked to her a little about it too, but... I didn't get all the details, obviously...
[ this lines up with what he did hear, at least. ]
When it left, was it just, like, an instant thing? Where you suddenly realized you could stop holding back, or whatever?
[ but yes, he totally wants this last sleepover if they want him here. ]
Yeah... I'd talked to her a little about it too, but... I didn't get all the details, obviously...
[ this lines up with what he did hear, at least. ]
When it left, was it just, like, an instant thing? Where you suddenly realized you could stop holding back, or whatever?
Maybe some other people will come by, but it won't be all hours of the night. You're plenty welcome to come back.
[ but yeah, he nods. ]
As soon as the verdict came out, just like the note said. I guess it didn't matter what happened to me anymore, at that point.
[ but yeah, he nods. ]
As soon as the verdict came out, just like the note said. I guess it didn't matter what happened to me anymore, at that point.
[ sebastian is probably going to be sticking pretty close to kazunari for a lot of the evening, and at some point once the clown noses are gone, he'll sit down next to him somewhere. ]
Thanks... for supporting me that whole time. I'm, uh... not sure I would have made it through everything otherwise.
Thanks... for supporting me that whole time. I'm, uh... not sure I would have made it through everything otherwise.
[ this is fine! he'll be making sure to stay in sebastian's general vicinity too, even when they aren't talking directly. but when seb sits next to him, kazu leans over to give him a gentle nudge with his elbow. ]
It's no big! That's what friends are for... and it looked like you were having pretty rough time for a while there. But we made it, so we can celebrate soon~!
It's no big! That's what friends are for... and it looked like you were having pretty rough time for a while there. But we made it, so we can celebrate soon~!
[ he nods, and leans against him a little. ]
Yeah, there was... that one week was really rough. Which... I guess you guys could kind of see even before I said anything.
...Honestly, with the letters I wrote back to you and Bucky after that, I had to like, go back and edit them to sound less depressing.
Yeah, there was... that one week was really rough. Which... I guess you guys could kind of see even before I said anything.
...Honestly, with the letters I wrote back to you and Bucky after that, I had to like, go back and edit them to sound less depressing.
I'm not sure I really did that much that was actually helpful, but... yeah, me too.
[ he's still exhausted regardless. it's been a very long eight weeks.
he goes quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands.
... ]
The, um... what I mentioned in that letter that week... I... had to kill this kid. To save Bradley and Jason. He... he was really sweet, and... he agreed to let me do it for them. A-and I know what would have happened to him if I hadn't, and it would have been worse, but it just... I was really messed up about it. I didn't feel like I deserved to be a prosecutor after that.
[ he's still exhausted regardless. it's been a very long eight weeks.
he goes quiet for a moment, looking down at his hands.
... ]
The, um... what I mentioned in that letter that week... I... had to kill this kid. To save Bradley and Jason. He... he was really sweet, and... he agreed to let me do it for them. A-and I know what would have happened to him if I hadn't, and it would have been worse, but it just... I was really messed up about it. I didn't feel like I deserved to be a prosecutor after that.
Oh...
[ these places really are cruel, aren't they? ]
I'm sorry, Bestie. You should never have had to go through that, even if it did help those two. Making someone do that... it's not right.
Have you talked to anyone about it? That kind of thing... it's not easy to deal with on your own.
[ these places really are cruel, aren't they? ]
I'm sorry, Bestie. You should never have had to go through that, even if it did help those two. Making someone do that... it's not right.
Have you talked to anyone about it? That kind of thing... it's not easy to deal with on your own.
[ he bites his lip and nods. ]
Y-yeah, I did. Lup and Estelle... I told them about it that night after I got back. And Rin the next day. I just kind of felt like I needed to... confess my sins or whatever, I guess... and to explain why I was such a mess when I hardly had any injuries.
It was— I know it was the best thing to do in that situation. I don't even know if that world or anyone in it was actually real, but if it was... then doing that saved a lot more people than just them, even. But I still kind of just... hate knowing I was able to do it at all. You know?
Y-yeah, I did. Lup and Estelle... I told them about it that night after I got back. And Rin the next day. I just kind of felt like I needed to... confess my sins or whatever, I guess... and to explain why I was such a mess when I hardly had any injuries.
It was— I know it was the best thing to do in that situation. I don't even know if that world or anyone in it was actually real, but if it was... then doing that saved a lot more people than just them, even. But I still kind of just... hate knowing I was able to do it at all. You know?
...Trust me, I know. Even if it might have helped someone in the end, it doesn't erase the feeling of killing someone else. It never will.
[ this is unusually soemn, for kazunari. ]
The only thing you can do is remember that you did it to help someone, not out of cruelty, and try to find something to keep you going. Which you must have, right? It's not like you to give up.
[ this is unusually soemn, for kazunari. ]
The only thing you can do is remember that you did it to help someone, not out of cruelty, and try to find something to keep you going. Which you must have, right? It's not like you to give up.
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