I just— got this stupid stain on my glove, and then I remembered this other stupid stain I got on it before, and then I remembered the guy I talked to while I was washing it back then and how it felt like we were actually in the same boat together... and how it felt like that with most of them, even if they were all pretty crappy about that vampire assaulting me...
But now it's like everyone has been in these things so much longer and has these people they've known forever and I'm just some stupid kid who's completely out of the loop and doesn't have the same experiences as anyone! And some of the dares were mean and— and it feels like no one ever takes me seriously or likes me!
[ he sniffles loudly. ]
And now you're just calling me by name instead, when I really liked that nickname... 'cause then it felt like at least one person actually thought I was the best... and Harrowhark was glaring at me for like five minutes and I don't... Did I do something wrong??
No one should be assaulting you. [ obviously?? but it sounds like sebastian needs to hear someone agree with him right now. ] So you feel out of place with the rest of us? But I think it's a good thing that you don't have the same experiences as we do. Some of the things we've been through aren't things that I'd wish on anyone.
...Isn't this what I always call you?
[ he seems to genuinely believe that? ]
I can't speak for Harrow, but I doubt you've done anything wrong. Some people just think that the way you react to things is funny. It doesn't mean they don't like you.
And I know the stuff you all went through was really bad, but you're all closer because of it, right? And I'm just the idiot who doesn't understand anything that everyone laughs at!
That depends on the people who are here with us... Out of those of us from the prism, Emet Selch and I aren't close. I don't think Marie-san is close with him, either, and she has every reason to hate me. Everyone else... maybe they are close. But you didn't come here alone, either, did you?
And you're trying to understand where everyone else stands, aren't you? That means a lot, you know. Everyone wants someone who can do that - but also someone who'll be patient enough to let them say what they need to on their own time, when they're ready to.
[ ...this is the logical question, of course, but it makes kazunari shift uncomfortably as the paint on his arms and hands turns a deep blue. ]
I killed someone while I was refracting in the prism. There was a gun involved, and she was one of the few who had a gun, so... She got the majority vote that weekend. It wasn't solely because of what I did, but without a better explanation, she took the blame for it.
Maybe things were different for some other places... I don't know. But maybe it's better for us not to make any guesses about that, and get to know everyone while we're here now? If you want to feel closer to everyone, there's no better way than talk to them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Sebastian-san? Did something happen?
no subject
[ he looks up and wipes his eyes on his already dirty glove. ]
...Why aren't you calling me Bestie anymore?
no subject
I'm calling you by your name?
Stuff. Like, stuff around the hotel, or...?
[ what they talked about before? ]
no subject
But now it's like everyone has been in these things so much longer and has these people they've known forever and I'm just some stupid kid who's completely out of the loop and doesn't have the same experiences as anyone! And some of the dares were mean and— and it feels like no one ever takes me seriously or likes me!
[ he sniffles loudly. ]
And now you're just calling me by name instead, when I really liked that nickname... 'cause then it felt like at least one person actually thought I was the best... and Harrowhark was glaring at me for like five minutes and I don't... Did I do something wrong??
no subject
No one should be assaulting you. [ obviously?? but it sounds like sebastian needs to hear someone agree with him right now. ] So you feel out of place with the rest of us? But I think it's a good thing that you don't have the same experiences as we do. Some of the things we've been through aren't things that I'd wish on anyone.
...Isn't this what I always call you?
[ he seems to genuinely believe that? ]
I can't speak for Harrow, but I doubt you've done anything wrong. Some people just think that the way you react to things is funny. It doesn't mean they don't like you.
no subject
What? No... it isn't...
[ are you pranking him?? it's not funny!! ]
And I know the stuff you all went through was really bad, but you're all closer because of it, right? And I'm just the idiot who doesn't understand anything that everyone laughs at!
no subject
but anyway. kazunari gives a soft sigh. ]
That depends on the people who are here with us... Out of those of us from the prism, Emet Selch and I aren't close. I don't think Marie-san is close with him, either, and she has every reason to hate me. Everyone else... maybe they are close. But you didn't come here alone, either, did you?
And you're trying to understand where everyone else stands, aren't you? That means a lot, you know. Everyone wants someone who can do that - but also someone who'll be patient enough to let them say what they need to on their own time, when they're ready to.
no subject
[ if he was more observant he'd notice that no one else is getting nicknames here either, but he is not.
he sniffs and wipes his eyes again. ]
Why would Marie hate you?
no subject
[ ...this is the logical question, of course, but it makes kazunari shift uncomfortably as the paint on his arms and hands turns a deep blue. ]
I killed someone while I was refracting in the prism. There was a gun involved, and she was one of the few who had a gun, so... She got the majority vote that weekend. It wasn't solely because of what I did, but without a better explanation, she took the blame for it.
no subject
[ he... does not know what he's supposed to say to that. ]
no subject
Maybe things were different for some other places... I don't know. But maybe it's better for us not to make any guesses about that, and get to know everyone while we're here now? If you want to feel closer to everyone, there's no better way than talk to them.