unbested | crau2 pcs: rupert

Of course your experience matters.

[first and foremost, but:]

We didn't give up. There's a difference between that and knowing that there wasn't another option. Have you read the contract yet? It makes it pretty clear somebody is going to get executed on Sunday regardless of whether or not we wish that wasn't true, or what happened in our last groups. Of course we wish it could be different. Clem is...

[his voice tightens, a little.]

Clem is my friend. [...] So I'm genuinely sorry if you're having a hard time with this, but if you're going to act like the rest of us are heartless or that we don't care enough, I'd really rather not talk to you right now.

[that's not said with any particular anger - he does look frustrated, but not necessarily at sebastian.]

I— I didn't see it again after I signed it, and once I got here, I couldn't remember what it said.

It... actually says that?

It was like that for everyone at first, but if you go ask one of the staff, they'll let you read it now. We're allowed.

[he nods, with a frown.]

I don't remember the exact wording, but... Part of it says that we're responsible for attending executions every week.

What?? When I told that Orion person I didn't remember they just said that was unfortunate and didn't offer to let me see it or anything...

[ ugh ]

And if that was everyone's reason, why didn't they just say that?! Everyone's always telling me I'm wrong and stupid for not understanding things but no one ever explains them!

It changed recently - if you asked them at the start, I don't think we could see it then. And I'm pretty sure you need to tell them outright you want to read it, not just mention it and hope they offer.

[a beat.]

Did anyone actually call you wrong or stupid?

Yes!!

[ ... ]

Well... I guess I'm... not sure if they did here...

Okay. Then... Maybe people aren't thinking that of you, like you're expecting them to?

W-well, they're probably still thinking it even if they aren't saying it out loud! Or they're just saying it behind my back instead!

Isn't it kind of unfair to just assume that?

I mean... I guess it's not everyone...

Okay, but it sounds like you don't really have evidence that it's anyone at all, though...?

You really think it isn't...?

I think it's a little worrying that you're assuming people are thinking you're stupid or talking about you behind your back.

[sebastian your self esteem!!!]

[ look he has reasons!! ]

W-well... whatever.

Come on, it's not whatever...

[he sounds legitimately concerned]

Doesn't thinking like that make you unhappy?

I mean, yeah?! It's not like I like hearing it! A-and it's wrong anyway, because I was the best in my class and everything...

Who are you hearing it from, though? I mean, did people back home actually say those kinds of things to you?

Yes!!

...I'm sorry. It's hard to go through something like that. But, just keep in mind that it doesn't mean the people here are going to do the same thing, okay?

Y-yeah... I guess...

...It's not always such a bad thing to believe people aren't going to be cruel, you know. Though I know that's hard, when your experiences say differently.

...Yeah. I know... there've been some people both here and in the last thing who've been really nice and listened to me and everything. It's just...

[ it seems like he's trying to decide how to put this for a while — how when a bunch of people pile on him all at once he thinks the worst and panics and gets really defensive.

eventually he just shrugs instead of saying anything. ]

[after a moment, still concerned:]

What is it?

I don't know! I didn't have an end to that sentence!

—Okay! Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you're alright.

(no subject)

unbested - 2022-06-20 20:09 (UTC) - Expand